Goodbye, My Friend
by Friezaess
Summary: The pilots find Duo dead in his bed... and by his own hand. Each one deals with it in his own way, but they somehow have to complete their mission without him... or do they? A follow up to 'Musings of Shinigami', though you needn't have read it to underst


**GOODBYE, MY FRIEND**

Disclaimer: Don't own em. Never have, never will.

AN: Well, here's a bit of a follow-up to Musings of Shinigami'. You don't need to have read it to comprehend this seeing as it was a POV thing, but if you wanna get a bit of a feel for it, go check it out. Oh, and _~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_ indicates well, I wouldn't quite call em flashbacks, but kinda past conversations. And yeah, I nicked the title of this fic from a Spice Girls song ^.^

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

Quatre yawned and opened his eyes, greeted by the mid-morning light. Glancing at the clock on his bedside table, he saw that it was time to get up. Though reluctant to leave the warmth of his bed, the young Arabian knew that the other pilots would probably be awake and waiting for him, as forming strategies was on today's agenda. Sighing, he pulled back the blankets and went into the bathroom to have a shower and get changed.

A recent battle with OZ had somewhat crippled their forces. Apparently, OZ had developed a new kind of laser beam, one that was strong enough to push the Gundam pilots' skills to the extreme. Though they had escaped the battle with only the usual cuts and bruises, their Gundams were not so lucky. Some parts would have to be replaced completely. This rendered the Gundanium mobile suits useless for at least one day whilst Howard and the mechanics worked on them. The pilots were given the day off fighting, and instructed to form strategies for the upcoming infiltration of a major OZ artillery base where the lasers were being constructed.

Done grooming, Quatre made his way downstairs into the living room in the current safehouse he and the other pilots were staying at.

"'Morning everyone," he greeted, seeing that Heero, Trowa and Wufei were already up, as he had suspected. They acknowledged his presence with a simple nod or glance. Certainly not the most sociable bunch.

"Have you started on any plans yet?" The blonde asked.

"Sort of," Wufei replied. "We've only been out of bed a little while."

"Speak for yourself," Heero grunted, who had been up most of the night brainstorming a few ideas for their mission. It seemed he would always be the Perfect Soldier. Trowa was preoccupied finishing his breakfast, consisting of bland, chewy cornflakes that were probably a month past their expiration date. The Gundam pilots weren't exactly provided with five star accommodations, that was for sure.

Quatre took a seat next to Wufei on the lounge, not feeling hungry enough for breakfast just yet, and glanced at the pen and notepad on the coffee table. Next to them was a rough blueprint of the base they were to bring down. On the notepad were a couple of dot points listed, but not much else. He could tell today was going to be a pretty slow day.

"I have researched some of the loopholes in OZ's security system," Heero stated, pointing to an area on the blueprint in front of them. "Apparently, this spot here isn't very heavily guarded, so our best chance is if we launch our first attacks there."

"If we don't want the other troops moving in all at once, we need someone with stealth to launch the first attack," Trowa added. "That's Duo's field."

"Then he should attack first," the Japanese boy replied. 

"That is, if the braided baka ever wakes up," Wufei commented. "Trust him to take a day like this as an invitation to sleep in."

"Someone go wake him up," Heero said. "We need him here to help us plan."

"Oh please, allow me," Wufei said back, an evil glint in his eye.

"No way, you'll probably pull him out of bed by the braid like last time," Quatre snapped. "I'll get him." With that, he got up and headed upstairs to Duo's bedroom.

_~*~_

"Duo," Quatre called, knocking on his fellow pilot's bedroom door, "it's almost nine-thirty, we need to run through some things about next week's mission." When he received to response, the 04 pilot knocked again, harder. "Duo?" He waited a little, but still there was no reply from inside the room. Exasperatedly, Quatre decided that the only way to wake the pilot if he was in such a deep sleep would be to shake him awake. He turned the doorknob and entered the room.

_~*~_

*SLAM!*

"Dammit!"

The three pilots in the living room looked up from their work, hearing the commotion upstairs. It was indeed a rare occasion that Quatre cursed, which immediately aroused suspicions. Together, Trowa, Wufei and Heero ran upstairs. There, they found their Arabian comrade with his back against Duo's bedroom door, eyes shut tightly and hands clenched into fists.

"What's wrong?" Wufei asked.

"D Duo" came the shaky reply. Heero gently moved him away from the door and opened it. Inside, the golden sunlight streamed through one window, adding much needed light to the musty room. As usual, the 02 pilot's few belongings were scattered carelessly across the cheaply carpeted floor. The floor that had now acquired dark stains of red. Heero's eyes were on the bed. Trowa and Wufei looked on from behind him. The sheets, which were once a grubby white, were now covered in patches of scarlet. The pilot they had come to know as Duo was on top of them, looking far paler than what was healthy. 

Heero approached him carefully, as the other pilots looked nervously on. The Shinigami's arms were turned casually inward, but Heero knew they were that way for a reason. He reached out and took one of Duo's unusually cold arms, and turned it over. A dried, scarlet substance covered the forlorn pilot's forearm, and amongst the cuts on his arm, a gaping wound stood out on his wrist, which his other arm mirrored. No more blood trickled from the wounds. The source of the crimson stains was revealed.

The pilot of Wing Zero put two fingers against his fallen comrade's neck, just to be sure. There was no pulse.

"Is he?" Wufei asked.

"Dead." Came the reply. "Definitely dead."

A hush fell over the room, broken only by the sound of Quatre's quiet little sobs. It was then that Trowa noticed something on the bedside table. He picked up the unmarked envelope, broke the seal, and pulled out a letter. He read it aloud.

" _Guys,_

_If all has gone according to plan, I'll be nothing but a corpse by now. I know we've got a mission next week, but I'm sure you'll be able to find someone to fill in for me._

_The reason I did this is because I'm just plain sick of it all. Sick of the killing, sick of the bloodshed, sick of this whole goddamned war. Right now Wufei's probably thinking me weak, and he's probably right. I couldn't handle it, so I took the cheater's way out of the game._

_I apologise if this causes any inconvenience; I apologise for all the blood that will no doubt stain this room; and I apologise to everyone I have killed._

_Make it out of this war alive, guys. _

_Good luck._

_Goodbye._

_Yours,_

_~ Duo Shinigami' Maxwell'_ "

Trowa carefully folded up the note again, and put it back in its envelope. 

"By his own hand," he whispered, more to himself than anyone else. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Wufei sneering.

"Weak baka," the Chinese pilot murmured, before turning his back on the group. They heard his footsteps disappear down the hall and the door to his bedroom shut.

"He's cold even at a time like this," Quatre commented shakily, referring to Wufei.

"It's his way," Heero replied. "Leave him be. As for Duo" he paused for a moment, staring at the forlorn body lying on the bed. " this was his decision. We must not let it get in the way of our mission."

"For God's sakes, Heero, he was one of us!!" The Arabian pilot practically screamed back, catching Heero off guard. He took several deep breaths before continuing in a calmer tone. "He was one of us and he killed himself. How can you not feel anything? Have you been desensitised that much?" Without waiting for a reply, Quatre left the room and ducked downstairs, falling onto the couch. 

__~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~__

_"Duo, it's time to get up! We've gotta be on Earth by this afternoon!"_

_"Aw, c'mon Quat just five more minutes"_

_"Were you up all of last night again?"_

_"I couldn't help it! It's not my fault they decided to run that anime marathon until three in the mornin'!"_

__~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~__

Quatre could hardly grasp the fact that he'd never hear any of that complaining again. There was little he wouldn't give to hear the 02 pilot playing his rock music so loud it made the house vibrate, just one last time.

"We could have helped you, Duo," he whispered, burying his head in his hands.

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

_"Hey, Wu-Man!"_

_"I *told* you not to call me that, Maxwell."_

_"Sure thing, Wuffers. Hey, I was wondering if I could borrow you motorcycle?"_

_"Why don't you just take the car?"_

_"Well Heero kind of doesn't want me using it after that last incident."_

_"Incident?"_

_"I, uh, kinda decided to see how fast it would go but I only hit a few cars, honest!"_

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

Wufei sat cross-legged on his bedroom floor, eyes closed and incense burning. Every time he heard a noise, he opened his eyes and looked to the door, half expecting his wide-eyed comrade to come bouncing in and interrupt yet another of his meditation sessions. No one came. 

"It's me again, Meiran," he muttered in a prayerful state. "I can't believe he did such a stupid thing. Did he have no honour?! Didn't he realise that we all feel a degree of guilt for the lives we've taken?" Wufei sighed, opening his eyes and looking up at the ceiling. "Please take care of him, my love."

_~*~_

Trowa sat near Quatre on the couch. Heero was busy on the phone in the next room, giving Sally the details of the situation. A blanket of silence lay thick over the room, penetrated only by occasional drawn-out breaths from Trowa, who was busy staring into space.

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

_"Trowa?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Do you think we're doing the right thing? I mean, with all this fighting."_

_"I'd have thought the self-proclaimed Shinigami would be able to answer that on his own."_

_"Sure, rub it in why don't ya."_

_"Personally, I believe we are only tools in this battle, and all we can do is pray to God that what we're doing will make things better."_

_" but what if God doesn't have all the answers?"_

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

"Trowa?"

The aforementioned boy looked up from his thoughts, remaining silent as always. Quatre sighed mournfully. 

"Where where do you think he'll go?"

"What do you mean?" The unibanged pilot replied.

"I mean, what will happen to his soul?" Quatre said, an unmissible tone of worry in his words.

"I haven't thought much about the afterlife," came the reply, "but if you mean do I think he'll go to any place bad then no."

"How come?"

"He was just trying to escape the pain. Do you think he would be punished for that?"

" I don't know." Quatre sighed, staring out the window. "You know, I thought we were closer than that. Us pilots trust each other with our lives, and then this happens. I thought I knew him better than that."

"Sometimes a person can surpress their feelings so much that even the people they're closest to can't tell what's really going on inside."

Heero hung up the phone and made his way into the living room.

"Sally will make all the arrangements," he told the two pilots who were present. "Take time to grieve if you want. I'll finish organising our battle strategies for next week."

_~*~_

Nighttime came, and still the air of silence over the safehouse refused to lift. Wufei had come out of his room earlier on to get a glass of water, but soon returned to sharpen his katanas. Quatre and Trowa had not moved from the couch, the black and white television being the only light in the entire room. Not that any of them were really watching it. And Heero was at the kitchen table, taking a little longer than usual to formulate battle plans.

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

_"What are ya doing, Heero?"_

_"Reading e-mail from Doctor J about tomorrow's mission. Go."_

_"Aw, c'mon Heero! You've been sitting in front of that computer for the last three hours. You should go outside and get some fresh air. Why don't ya help me work on Deathscythe?"_

_""_

_"Fine, be that way. Just think about this moment years from now when you're a hundred years old and realising that life has passed you by."_

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

The funeral was held in the cemetery, and very few people came. The remaining Gundam pilots attended, along with Noin, Sally, Hilde and Howard. However, it was only the pilots who remained after the funeral. Trowa glanced the gravestone.

Duo Maxwell

AC 180 – AC195'

No sombre messages, no last goodbyes. Simply the name and date- thus was the typical gravestone of a soldier. On the grave was a simple bouquet of white roses. The wind ruffled through the leaves in the trees, and was soon accompanied by cold drops of rain.

"Let's go," Heero said, turning to leave. The rest of the pilots followed, mournfully.

_~*~_

Four days later

"Enemy attack!" A soldier's voice blared over the walkie-talkie. "It's the Gundams!"

"What?! All five of them?" His commanding officer replied into his own walkie-talkie.

"I think there's only four but they've taken out almost half of our frontline suits!"

"I'll bet they're targeting us because of the laser our scientists invented." The officer hissed. "Why don't we show them exactly what our new weapon can do? Fire the laser cannon! Not even the Gundams will be able to survive that kind of force."

"Yes Sir!"

_~*~_

"I thought there wasn't going to be this many MS!" Wufei's voice growled through the intercom.

"Apparently the sources were inaccurate," Heero replied. "We're just gonna have to get rid of them. Trowa, you take the ones to the left, Wufei the ones to the right. Quatre and I will take on the rest. And remember- we have to get into the central part of the base before we can blow it up. The scientists who invented that laser should be there too, which means that they'll be caught in the explosions, and no more of these things will be reproduced."

All pilots followed their instructions, and in their formation, managed to wipe out a large percentage of the mobile suits. But just when it seemed they were coming out on top, an army of mobile dolls appeared out of nowhere.

"Come on, if we annihilated the suits we can surely beat these," Quatre spoke. Little did he know that the dolls were but a decoy. As the Gundams fought for all they were worth, the laser cannon was being aimed at them.

"We've locked onto the targets," a Private announced as he aimed the cannon. It was then that the Zero system in Heero's Gundam alerted him of the situation.

"It's just a distraction" He spoke over the intercom.

"What?!" Trowa blinked.

"Everyone, get out of here!" Came the 01 pilot's response- but everything was already in place.

"FIRE!!" An OZ sergeant ordered. The Private pushed the button on the cannon.

"We're too late!" Heero announced. Everyone braced themselves for the blast but nothing came. After a few seconds, Quatre piped up.

"What's going on?"

"What's going on?!" The sergeant yelled at his underlings. "Fire the cannon!"

"It's not firing, sir!" Came the reply. "There seems to be some kind of technical misfunction!"

"What do you mean? This thing was checked from top to bottom just this morning! There can't be any technical misfunction!" As he spoke, the sergeant felt a cold chill run down his spine. Soon after, the base began to rumble as the four Gundams finally defeated the dolls and blasted their way into the central part of the base, launching their missiles into their pre-determined targets. The base began to fall into shambles, and the OZ sergeant was pinned to the ground underneath a wooden beam that fell from the ceiling.

"But why didn't the cannon fire?" He gasped. As he gazed over at the weapon, he saw the ghostly figure of a young braided boy, holding a vital part of the cannon's engine, which he threw it carelessly over his shoulder, giving the sergeant a sly grin. But before he could ask any more questions, Wing Zero lifted its mighty twin buster rifle and fired

_~*~_

"Mission accomplished," Heero confirmed as the Gundams flew from the exploding base. The other pilots breathed a sigh of relief, and glided off into the night sky. 

"I still can't work out why they didn't attack us with the cannon," Trowa commented.

"Maybe they had some technical difficulties," Wufei replied. Heero gazed reflectively out of his cockpit's window, just in time to see a shooting star streak across the sky. A sense of peace over came himself and his comrades.

"Maybe" He said, smiling sadly.

**OWARI**

You know I'm gonna say it- please review!


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